Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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