but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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