My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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