While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
