woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
