Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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