I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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