im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
