I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
