4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
