you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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