2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
