I want to make a zoo with you.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
