you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
