i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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