1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize