at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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