***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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