I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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