I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
