How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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