So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize