i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
