My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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