ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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