I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The feeling are messing with the penis
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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