Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
