Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis

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  (313): I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis http://tfl.nu/f8bv
  Replies (3) Good night (842) Bad night (1120)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"

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  (773): you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE" http://tfl.nu/hmmg
  Replies (17) Good night (6501) Bad night (1159)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man

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  (512): When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man http://tfl.nu/fxmb
  Replies (32) Good night (7563) Bad night (1115)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you

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  (612): Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you http://tfl.nu/lizp
  Replies (7) Good night (2837) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.

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  (231): I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this. http://tfl.nu/nn25
  Replies (5) Good night (1829) Bad night (787)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.

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  (907): Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina. http://tfl.nu/hpd0
  Replies (36) Good night (2828) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.

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  (641): Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings. http://tfl.nu/iq9m
  Replies (4) Good night (1706) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.

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  (419): There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night? (1-419): Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass. http://tfl.nu/devs
  Replies (12) Good night (1777) Bad night (615)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN

  (1-626): View more from California

  we're fated to lesbian

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  (626): AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN (1-626): we're fated to lesbian http://tfl.nu/bohp
  Replies (5) Good night (1329) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!

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  (218): WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!! http://tfl.nu/3vs3
  Replies (6) Good night (790) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom

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  (815): I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom http://tfl.nu/3qo4
  Replies (2) Good night (920) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.

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  (202): I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll. http://tfl.nu/zni7
  Replies (6) Good night (804) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

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  (615): IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME! http://tfl.nu/omc2
  Replies (2) Good night (566) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.

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  (317): Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed. http://tfl.nu/4ogn
  Replies (0) Good night (572) Bad night (165)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.

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  (925): Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck. http://tfl.nu/l105
  Replies (3) Good night (174) Bad night (390)

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