My balls are so social today.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
