In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
