did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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