so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
