Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
