Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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