The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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