Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
