then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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