id be glad to
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
