She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
