Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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