I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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