she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
