My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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