K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
