If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
