Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
