So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
