We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
