I have demons in me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
