Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
sarcasm needs its own font
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
