How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
