you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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