Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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