I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
