I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
