I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
